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You can't be serious!

True or false, these and other technical support calls are fast becoming Internet legends. Support staff from one of Ireland's largest computer suppliers were asked about their favourite oddball calls.

Have you heard the one about the woman who rang up technical support, claiming that the cup holder on the computer they had sold her had broken? Turns out she was opening her CD-ROM drive and perching her coffee cup where she should have placed a CD.

"CD-ROMs keep falling out of the drive before I can close it!" complained one woman. After a few enquiries, the tech support person figured out the problem: the woman's computer was an upright "tower" case, but it was lying flat on the desk, meaning that the CD-ROM drive was vertical.

One technical support representative, unable to help a customer sort out his problems with a troublesome floppy disk, asked the man to send in a copy of the disk for them to check. Instead of copying the data onto another disk, the man did what he thought was right: "He faxed us a PHOTOCOPY of his disk," said the rep, " and he destroyed the disk in the process of 'copying' it, obviously."

"If you add more data to your laptop, will it get any heavier?" asked one concerned customer. "If so, how much will it weigh when it's full? I am only allowed a certain amount of baggage when flying."

Customer: I want to get a CD-ROM drive, and 1 want you to tell me one that will fit in my machine.
Support: Well, there's the ATAPI standard, so there's no need to worry, they're all the same size.
Customer: So....which one will fit?
Support: They're all the same size
Customer: But which CD-ROMs are the right size?
Support: They are ALL the same size.
Customer: Do you know the D4 666b CD-ROM?
Support: No
Customer: Will that fit?
Support: THEY are ALL the same SIZE...
Customer: Is there another kind 1 should get?
Support: <Sigh ... >

And what about the guy who was buying a mousepad and insisted that it had to be a mousepad for a PC and not one for a Mac?

An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.. The Foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

Compaq is considering changing the command " Press Any Key" to press Return Keys because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labelled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the -send- key.

Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.


 A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
 because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

  A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents.
He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find
printer".  The user had tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
 

True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
 Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
 Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?
 Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty
 period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
 Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
 Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
 Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show?" Caller:
 "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
 

Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
 support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in
the second disk, and I had some problems with that disk . When it said to
put in the third disk - I couldn't even fit it in.." The user hadn't
realized that "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

 THERE NOW, DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER!

 

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